the virus spreads...

It was a Wednesday, the day after my first test with HIV was positive and i was waiting for the confirmatory results.

I'm still in denial, holding on to the fact that the confirmatory results would come out negative (it didnt).

on my mind i played again that night with my 5th one, which i'll call J, and tried to convince myself it could be wrong.

i was on my way to school when my mind plays our break up sex like a good old porn video, when suddenly,

a cute guy in a purple shirt grinned at me.

ah, MRT, one of the cruise spots. yeah, i know i dont party, but how do i get my boys? you might ask.

1: starbucks, really, they all buy those loner ones who sits around reading a book. not just the customers, the cute baristas too.

2: gym: the ultimate hide out.

3: recording gig and nationwide TV contests - most of my exes are singers like me as well, (including the 5th one). the starbucks boys and the gym boys are just there for the flirting, since i always say no to going somewhere else, just flirts are all they ended up to be, the singers, however, are a different story.

4: i live in a condominium where it could be called , "gay garden heaven". all kinds of gays are here, tranny, bisexuals, discreets, ALL OF THEM are here.


so going back, this purple guy, was just smiling at me, i smiled back, as it turns out, we both have the same stop, and we both went to the LRT for the next stop...

probably thinking it was fate, he walked on near me, got on the same train, stood in front of me.

with a hand in his pocket, he reached out for my crotch.

sensing that i have no choice - as it was crowded, he felt my crotch all the way, not satisfied, he placed his butt on my crotch.

stilll in shock on my HIV status and on this guy, it opened a new perception on my part.

I know my HIV status, and I COULD SAVE A LIFE.

this guy, who basically wants me to fuck him, had i known im negative, i probably would have (he's so cute, typical chinito thing going on in him). but now that i know, I wouldnt (as condom sex is a taboo for me during those moment).

he begged for my number, i didnt gave it to him, until now, he plays on my mind.

is he negative? or a poz too? does he know his status?

i hope he doesnt find another charming positive guy like me somewhere else. if he did, I hope he'd be lucky enough to be spared by the virus either by a condom or by ignorance.

now you see, what makes me less lonely about my HIV status, is the fact that, I know, and I can say out loud. the virus definitely stops in me.


again let me say this now. get tested. it's not the end of the world, could be a beginning of a good, new one.