alert! alert!

So B is troubling me, he's been texting and calling, asking if im okay and if im mad at him. he always does that - everytime i dont reply quickly.

points to check.

1: I appreciate the fact that he was the only one left standing among the many "supposed" negas pursuing me and accepted my HIV status, but that isnt a guarantee that we'll be a couple, aight?

2: I am still learning about my condition, I have accepted it, and im okay, but that doesnt mean i'll let loose immediately, i need to learn more about preventive measures, REAL acceptance from my future partner about my status, and do i need to say that im yet to find out my cd4 count? I need to devote all the attention and time to myself for a while, and i certainly dont need any future intimate/romantic complications while going through my "learning" phase.

so, the whole day i have this nagging "weighting the world on my shoulders phase", and it's hard to focus on my class.

so off to shangrila i went, chilled for a while, stayed in starbucks (at the 6th level) and just detoxed. relaxed myself, he mis-called again. i texted him and said what i feel.

yeap, just like that, in one text, I felt better, finally being able to let him know he causes my CD4 counts to drop as of that very moment. he lingered for a while, im playing guessing game - he'll hold on, be immature and use the excuse 'you need me and you just dont know it so i wont let go" reason or he'll accept my decision for some alone time, which i really need.

i was finishing my latte when he replied - "I understand, but im sad, friends?". i smiled, he chose the latter - good one! i can only accommodate friendship now - seriously.

feeling free from burden, i went home, soon as i enter the condominium gate our broker saw me, and asked if she can now have the signed inventory sheet that she needed, luckily it's in my bag, i gave it to her, she went to the lobby to borrow a pen to have it signed and photocopied, so while i was waiting for her, i was checking out the bulletin board when a chinito guy (why are they all chinese-looking?) walked by, saw me, i saw him, i didnt mean i eyed him, i just saw him, you know, he stopped walking, and stood there.

cruiser alert! i said to myself. he was just standing there, waiting who will approach first..

cruiser alert! oh no! I pretended to re-read boring notices on the bulletin board, completely useless!

he walked towards me and pretended to read too...

then, thankfully, our broker came in and gave me my copy of the inventory sheet, i smiled, thankful for the distraction and hurried to my unit. (him still eyeing me, almost followed me, too)

soon as i got in my room, i felt safe, i hate cruisers, really, no matter how cute they seem to be.

when I found out i was a poz, i thought everything will go down the drain. it didnt. in fact, things have changed for the better, and now i feel normal and appreciated life more.

but one thing still remains.

gosh, after everything, im still being sought after! (buhat sarili bangko, bangko lulubog maya maya)