As a fresh graduate, I am obliged to do nothing at all and be a complete bum, simply because I earned it, c'mon, years of sleepness nights backed up by personal and school related problems, professors feeding you a daily dosage of paranoia, and let's not forget the fact that HIV came in the picture later on.
being sleepless for 2 nights, I spent most of days asleep and most of my nights talking to new york. he's a good new found friend I met in a conventional way... yes, friend... I wont assume anything or else, new york and I have been honest with each other (yeap, even my HIV status and my masochistic desires he keeps on teasing me about) and Im grateful of our budding friendship.
the goal of being asleep by 10pm seems far stretch as by 10pm, I am just waking up. oh well.
so what does a HIV positive, Fresh graduate do now?
- Gym: I finally uploaded my Graduation pictures, what's the point of hiding my "Bloated, fat" self when my so-called friends tagged me already in their pictures? In person, as I was told, I dont look That fat, but that doesnt mean I should lead a Sedimentary Lifestyle. p.s. Also a good Flirtation place.
- Swim: Since I was a Kid, I love swimming already, never mind that I got the inspiration from Daryl Hannah's mermaid Character in Splash! and Alice Dixon's Dyesebel. But at least I was able to fulfill my childhood fantasy of being a mermaid! though I still suck at the butterfly stroke,Being free from anything give me more time to be in the water, and No, HIV cant be transmitted from the pool waters. P.S. the condo pool is the epicenter of all flirtation, best give a good stroke then!
- Voice Rehearsals: As guided by my lovely voice coach, I will Unlearn my recent technique and will learn her proper vocal placements, alas - the time to be a raw singer again.
- Medical Masks (if someone sneezed within your bubble, it's damnation. better be armed)
- Hand Sanitizers (it's a very, very dirty place we live in now)
- Alcohol Spray (need I say more It's a dirty place?)
- MultiVitamins and Vitamin C's (in case I'll be out in the house and I need to take them)
- Sky Flakes and Wheat Breads (in case I'll get hungry once outside and the nearby restaurants are far beyond reach)
- yes, dont be surprised.. I bought Condoms and Lubricants.
- during the HIV awareness event, the icky female bunny gave me a sample condom and, ehem ehem, a discount card from some "private place".
- boys and men alike are coming in now and then, p19 is still there pissing me off, let's not forget S who, though never replies to my messages, visits my place now and then, new york of course, whom I'm loving the company, and RG. RG resides in the condo as well, saw me walking near ministop, later caught me online at planetromeo.com and as they say, a stalker is born.
- let's be open minded, though I tend to be close-minded in the notion of sex, might as well change it eh? like a filipino saying kung kelan tumanda tsaka lumandi! why can't we make a new saying kung kelan nagka-HIV tsaka nagladlad! that will originally be mine? aight?
so yeah, though I'm still reserved, I bought packs of condoms and lubricants, anyway, It's true that sometimes, Sex starts everything, S and I, though we admitted each other's feelings first, later on made love soon as we confirmed our status as lovers that very night, we ended after 2 years though... but still, what will I do if I became a lover of someone and he will say immediately "let me rape and savage you now 'til eternity" and I have no protection with me aight? best not to ruin those moments.
so will I do experiments now that I'm "free" from any scheduling conflicts? I'm admittedly curious. but what I have is more than just Curiosity, I have HIV, though it wont stop me, nor anyone for that matter, from doing what they want, it's still a responsibility. I can still say in good conscience that I haven't infected anyone, and I intend to keep it that way...
But you know, it's true what Greenfrog and mama B.I.T.C.H. said, most of the time, they prefer to make out with someone who is HIV positive, not because they wanted it, but because they know we are responsible enough to not infect them with it (read: more safe to play with).
So If I want to be responsible about it, why not just simply bring condoms and its proper lubricants? doesnt mean I'll be officially a whore-in-training nor being a hopeless romantic again looking for love...
Im just being responsible and grown up enough about it.