A master found.

So after a week of natural high brought about my graduation status, It is about time to spend some quality time with my pozzie friends.

So trese was there, mama B.I.T.C.H. , greenfrog, eldest, and a newbie who I'll call calves.

it's a typical hang out, with a few exception that my natural highness causes a 'lil havoc, Eldest and Greenfrog checks out glare worthy men, I taught calves how to sing, he didnt listen much, So on I went and talked to mama B.I.T.C.H. bout my dream job which turns out to be unrealistic - as he said, even a receptionist does a paperwork job, hmmmm.

there are some funny key details I should point out, but then again, This is my blog, so all the focus should be on me, of course.

as the night went on I cant hold it any longer, behind our table is a man, undeniably straight, bald, bulky, with able and strong arms, he has the whole "master" thing going round him. I want those arms to punch me and throw me around, so i just talked about my masochistic desires to my friends, eldest find it bizarre, calves just smiled, greenfrog focused on something else. mama B.I.T.C.H. is all support, and even told me to check out the guy in a gray white shirt in front of us and told me his arms is more able of breaking me... hmmm. maybe, but the bald guy's height is more able to crunch me. hehehehe.

anyway, point is, at a time like this - the only way for me to break away from such intense desire is to sing my heart out, unfortunately it was too late and they need to go home, and they're not really a karaoke type.

so soon as i got home, i still cant sing as it's already 2am. so i just listened to music when a YM window popped out.

let's call him p19, he's a friend of a distant past. no, he's not 19 years old. but his height looks like of 19 year old that lacked growth potential. So with us being friends way way back, it's only natural for him to catch up. as it turns out, p19 lives just in front of our condominium, and asked me to come over. like, ehhh... isnt it a lil late? plus i removed my contact lens already and flattened my spike hair already. so im not in the mood - to go out, tsk tsk. kayo talaga

I told him we can hang out tomorrow, he said he cant because he'll be watching the pacquiao fight (ew) with his family (kaya naman pala) live at MOA (cool). eh, what happened to this friend of mine? we didnt talk for a while and now he wants to meet up in the middle of the night? like, a no means no, aight? so i just told him i need my sleep and didnt bother to check if he replied or not.

so soon as I woke up he sent 2 messages - 1st is him telling me his dad just picked him up for the match and 2nd they just arrived at moa and told me to text him soon as I wake up.

I woke up at around 1pm. told him, He told me to eat, I told him to enjoy the match, typical stuff.

then at 1:30 he sent me this message - I bought us a ticket to watch (title of the movie), movie will start at 2pm, be here, k? see ya.

he said it just like that, I told him MOA is too far, and i havent even showered yet, it's 1:30 and I cant make it there by 2pm.

he still told me to just get there. like hello, who do you reckon I am, flash?!?!!!!

but it must be my Masochist side that I allowed myself to his demand. I got in the cab by 2:12pm. midway he told me he had the ticket changed to 3pm the whole time, what a sick joke! aaargh!

so, it was an entertaining 3D movie, all i can say. Nothing happened worth writing here the whole time we're at MOA.

But since he's just in front of our condominium, he asked me to drop him off his place first. I obliged, then he paid for the cab and told me to finish our burger king snacks in his place, I said yes - okay, again let me say, it's a typical hang out with a friend. so it didnt cross my mind that...

Soon as I was done with my snacks and That im about to leave, (me outside the door) he asked me to come back inside (I did, stupidly), then he gently closed the door and ehhhhh.... he kissed me. eeeh, eeeh, eeeeh! I pushed him back, told him what the hell, $%$!!!, he said he knew about me and S and he wanted me the whole time (ows?)

It's frustrating, I hate it, okay, so he may only be 4 feet tall or so ( his height didn't pass my shoulder), but he's strong and pushed me to the door, literally tried to kiss my lips (height problems) so he kissed my neck instead while roughly fondling me.

okay okay, so this might be a slight fantasy come true, but, eh, as far as i remember it right, I fantasize a man as bulky and as tall as that guy I saw last night, not a real life hobbit. but, he's cute anyway.

8 gallons of saliva is what he only needs to be infected, kissing is okay I told myself the whole time. okay, must be the longing of such act that I allow him to molest me for a while, come to think of it, he's been tormenting me since this early morning (be at MOA within minutes? blah blah) so he could be a master I've been longing for... eh, a hobbit master?

so he was now biting my left nipple through my shirt and is about to open my fly when I said No, as the word HIV came to mind, he was grinning, the whole time, obviously enjoying the rape,

It's time to tell him, this is a force disclosure!

I was about to open my mouth

tell him you have HIV, then maybe he'll be able to punch me properly in the eye!

I will only have sex to my future boyfriend! (is what i said)

he laughed, like, really laughed.

he was busy laughing, I took the chance and left. he didnt even force me to stop.

the whole time I was walking towards my place I knew I should feel bad, molested or so, I mean, I do, But I feel, eh, Satisfied, I mean, I wasnt able to cum, cause I left, but, I can still feel the pain in my back as he pushed me to the door, the doorknob felt good as it hit my side, plus, he bit my nipple hard to equal the pain... I mean, okay, physically, the pain made me feel good.

but the pain of being partially molested by a hobbit master, is , eh, ewwy.

but what really made me feel bad is that... My prerogative of only having sex with someone I love and is my boyfriend is, partially broken.

I mean, I know I wanna do casual sex now, but, eh... I meant casual in a way i know the guy is at least my height and wouldnt hurt me by surprise!

and I wanna do it next with someone who knew my HIV status so he'll know what will make us safe.

this experience made me realize that:

1: Im not ready to disclose my HIV status to a future partner, thus I need more practice (calling mama B.I.T.C.H.)

2: Im not meant to do casual sex. at all. if ill end up feeling this guilty.

and you know what made things worst?

soon as I got home, mama told me

"son, dont change, we'll hear the mass in a while. "

weeeeee, sorry lord. =) Im still a good boy, I just, eh, let him hurt me for a while, forgive me?