Tuesday, May 4, 2010

paranioa killed the kitty

Being paranoid usually have it's ups and downs, with more downs than the ups, but it helps. usually.

for a performer like me, it helps to be paranoid to have a good performance (hence, the term O.A. or over-acting)by some.

for a positive person like me, it helps to distinguish whether a simple sneeze is actually life threatening or a small feather is just stuck in your nose.

In my case - whether this red spots on my face and arms are just the same-old story of Acne or a manifestation of something else.


It was a Saturday, in the mighty (chubby) arms of S, when he complained that my facial causes him an irritating tickle whenever we; A: Kiss B: cuddle and C: when I simply brush my head on his shoulder. thus a que for me to actually shave. which I did.

Soon as I was done, imagine my surprise that beneath my grown stubble are pimples (I presumed) in a state of a break-out.

so que in my usual facial treatments recommended by my dermatologist for breakouts (Duac " Benzoyl peroxide with clindamycin as phospate" and Steiva-A "tretinoin" for you scientific readers) when behold, behold, there are more similar red spots on my forearms and chest.

Oh No.

I told S, Immediately, who kinda shrugged it off, told me to relax, cuddled me still and...whatever.

It also didn't help that we're watching "Supernatural" season 5, in a episode where Sam and Dean are trap in TV land, and Sam is forced to advertise a parody of a topical cream called herpexia - for herpes.

my paranoid mind went nuts - is this a sign? come to think of it, I seem to have a bad luck with any boy Im with, remember my ex? yeah - He who gave Me HIV... what if, what if... S - gave me something else too - I told him my sentiments (insert fights here).

I went to R.I.T.M. to have myself checked, I was pretty much sure it is a STD of sorts.

until I was told -


yeah, an Allergy breakout. I asked again - this aint herpes? syphilis? blah blah?

the doctor checked my body again, checked the red spots, checked my "down there". she said No.

A simple case of Allergy, an Indicator that my skin is becoming more sensitive than usual due to my HIV and I need to take certain precautions from now on, and try to live a Stress-free life.

I was given prescriptions, and Not-to-eat food. when I say not-to-eat food, I meant the only thing I can eat now are fresh beef and pork meat(not from the cans such as corned beef - I cant eat anything with preservatives) vegetables, apple and banana. all else, even a simple bread and cake, is Off the menu (temporarily, until the symptoms vanish). I even have to change my daily soap.

as bad as it was, admitting I was wrong and paranoid to S, is the hardest part. but all was done and we made up - though we made it clear we wont make love yet until this is gone.

I hate allergies. hate them. I want my old skin back. oh well, it's getting there.