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Thursday, May 27, 2010

candles!

Today is the big day.

Today is the AIDS Candlelight memorial 2010.

Im not really expecting it much, I honestly thought it'll be around December during the world AIDS day...

Then I opened my Gayromeo and there it was for all to see. the ad placement of the upcoming event.

I remember that time when I was hanging out with the other pozzies and Greenfrog told me about his experience when he attended the candlelight memorial and how he cried a tear (sorry I have to mention, sis) and how it seemed funny now (how he cried).

I don't really understand how it goes, but all I know is that, they will light a candle to the victims, those who died and those still living of HIV/AIDS and how each candle represents the victim or so. something like that.

over the past few weeks I got lots of invites to attend the event, RY particularly invited me in a manner that it seemed like a requirement, like, who will light my candle? (no pun).

I woke up today with 6 text messages, all of them from fellow pozzies, ranging from "are you going later for the ceremony?" to the pleading "please come" to the more commanding "your candle must be lighten - Attend! Attend!"

yeap, as you guess it, I need a motherly advise, so yeah, I inquired to mama B.I.T.C.H. if I'm even remotely required to attend or I need to bring a proxy... maybe this is like a baptism of sorts.

No, I don't want to attend and light a candle for my part. why? simply because:

1: I intend to keep my identity a secret. yeah I know I hang out with fellow pozzies like me, more frequent actually, but hello - they are also discreet like me (not talking in a homosexual sense), we all look healthy and so no one will ever doubt... I mean, none of us came close to the level of Sarah Jane Salazar or Wanngo Gallaga, who will know? really. now this is an event where majority are Pozzies themselves or Advocates, it's way too high a risk a exposure for me.

2: I don't think I'm emotionally ready for such event: It isnt like World Aids Day where it's like a concert and the singers will make a spiel about HIV/AIDS before they sing and rock the stage and where most of the audiences are neggies and pozzies combined you can't tell who's who. as what Greenfrog said, he cried. I don't wanna cry, I want to smile and laugh. what I have isn't as bad as cancer, really, and im quite sure I wont Die anytime soon, and I don't want to be in an event that subconsciously says otherwise. I'm in a good mindset now, I don't want to think it over. for one thing, from the start I felt like a victim of HIV/AIDS, but now I don't feel like it, simply because I know in me that I can stop the spread of HIV/AIDS by being responsible and my advocacy can be heard through this blog. Im a newborn, and I intend to learn more, and we learn more by not rushing.

So no, I'm not coming, not yet, not this time. mama B.I.T.C.H. replied and told me I am not required (got that RY?). so I'm not going.

But in respect to the souls of Sarah Jane Salazar, Freddy Mercury, Gia, Ryan White, Michael Jetter and many others around the globe, I will light a candle in my own room.

for me It's better to light a candle in your own private place, where I can say I'm not victim, but a survivor, for I can live through this. where I can say a silent prayer to the departed souls and grant them peace. where a candle is a symbolism of intimacy to oneself and say, this is my new life, a new me. and it's not as bad as it looks. Ironic as it was, It keeps me alive.

4 comments:

mariam baurice said...

MY NAME IS MARIAM BAURICE FROM SOUTH AFRICA...I SAW THIS COMMENT ON POSITIVE BLOGS AND I WILL LOVE TO TELL EVERY BODY HOW MY STATUS CHANGES TO NEGATIVE, AND AM NOW A LIVING WITNESS OF IT AND I THINK ITS A SHAME ON ME IF I DON'T SHARE THIS LOVELY STORY WITH OTHER PEOPLE INFeCTED WITH THIS DEADLY VIRUS...,HIV HAS BEEN ONGOING IN MY FAMILY... I LOST BOTH PARENTS TO HIV,. AND IT IS SO MUCH PAIN IVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER.. AS WE ALL KNOW MEDICALLY THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO IT..AND MEDICATION IS VERY EXPENSIVE..SO SOMEONE INTRODUCED ME TO A NATIVE MEDICAL PRACTITIONER IN AFRICA..I HAD A JOB THERE TO EXECUTE SO I TOOK TIME TO CHECK OUT ON HIM.I SHOWED HIM ALL MY TESTS AND RESULTS.. I WAS ALREADY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND IT WAS ALREADY TAKING ITS TOWL ON ME.. I HAD SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS SO I DECIDED TO TRY HIM OUT...I WAS ON HIS DOSAGE FOR 6MONTHS. ALTHOUGH I DIDNT BELIEVE IN IT, I WAS JUST TRYING IT OUT OF FRUSTRATION... AND AFTER 2 WEEKS, I WENT FOR NEW TESTS... AND YOU WONT BELIEVE THAT 5 DIFFERENT DOCTORS CONFIRMED IT THAT AM NEGATIVE..IT WAS LIKE A DREAM,,I NEVER BELIEVE AIDS HAS CURE..AM NOW NEGATIVE,,AM A LIVING WITNESS..I DONT KNOW HOW TO THANK THIS MAN... I JUST WANT TO HELP OTHERS IN ANY WAY I CAN..HAVE JOINED MANY FORUMS AND HAVE POSTED THIS TESTIMONIES AND ALOT OF PEOPLE HAS MAIL AND CALLED THIS MAN ON PHONE AND AFTER 2 WEEKS THEY ALL CONFIRMED NEGATIVE..BBC NEWS TOOK IT LIVE AND EVERY.. HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT.. EVERYBODY SAW IT AND ITS NOW OUT IN PAPERS AND MAGAZINES THAT THERE'S NATIVE CURE FOR HIV AND ALL WITH THE HELP OF THIS MAN,,HAVE TRIED MY OWN PARTS AND ALL LEFT WITH YOU,,IF YOU LIKE TAKE IT OR NOT..GOD KNOWS HAVE TRIED MY BEST.ABOUT 97 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE THROUGH ME..AND THEY SEND MAILS TO THANKS ME AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE,,THIS MAN IS REAL..DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE,,HIV IS A DEADLY VIRUS,,GET RID OF IT NOW..
case there is anyone who has similar problem and still

looking for a way out, and he those cast all kind of spell like ::
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Healing from all kind of diseases
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mariam baurice said...

MY NAME IS MARIAM BAURICE FROM SOUTH AFRICA...I SAW THIS COMMENT ON POSITIVE BLOGS AND I WILL LOVE TO TELL EVERY BODY HOW MY STATUS CHANGES TO NEGATIVE, AND AM NOW A LIVING WITNESS OF IT AND I THINK ITS A SHAME ON ME IF I DON'T SHARE THIS LOVELY STORY WITH OTHER PEOPLE INFeCTED WITH THIS DEADLY VIRUS...,HIV HAS BEEN ONGOING IN MY FAMILY... I LOST BOTH PARENTS TO HIV,. AND IT IS SO MUCH PAIN IVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER.. AS WE ALL KNOW MEDICALLY THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO IT..AND MEDICATION IS VERY EXPENSIVE..SO SOMEONE INTRODUCED ME TO A NATIVE MEDICAL PRACTITIONER IN AFRICA..I HAD A JOB THERE TO EXECUTE SO I TOOK TIME TO CHECK OUT ON HIM.I SHOWED HIM ALL MY TESTS AND RESULTS.. I WAS ALREADY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND IT WAS ALREADY TAKING ITS TOWL ON ME.. I HAD SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS SO I DECIDED TO TRY HIM OUT...I WAS ON HIS DOSAGE FOR 6MONTHS. ALTHOUGH I DIDNT BELIEVE IN IT, I WAS JUST TRYING IT OUT OF FRUSTRATION... AND AFTER 2 WEEKS, I WENT FOR NEW TESTS... AND YOU WONT BELIEVE THAT 5 DIFFERENT DOCTORS CONFIRMED IT THAT AM NEGATIVE..IT WAS LIKE A DREAM,,I NEVER BELIEVE AIDS HAS CURE..AM NOW NEGATIVE,,AM A LIVING WITNESS..I DONT KNOW HOW TO THANK THIS MAN... I JUST WANT TO HELP OTHERS IN ANY WAY I CAN..HAVE JOINED MANY FORUMS AND HAVE POSTED THIS TESTIMONIES AND ALOT OF PEOPLE HAS MAIL AND CALLED THIS MAN ON PHONE AND AFTER 2 WEEKS THEY ALL CONFIRMED NEGATIVE..BBC NEWS TOOK IT LIVE AND EVERY.. HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT.. EVERYBODY SAW IT AND ITS NOW OUT IN PAPERS AND MAGAZINES THAT THERE'S NATIVE CURE FOR HIV AND ALL WITH THE HELP OF THIS MAN,,HAVE TRIED MY OWN PARTS AND ALL LEFT WITH YOU,,IF YOU LIKE TAKE IT OR NOT..GOD KNOWS HAVE TRIED MY BEST.ABOUT 97 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE THROUGH ME..AND THEY SEND MAILS TO THANKS ME AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE,,THIS MAN IS REAL..DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE,,HIV IS A DEADLY VIRUS,,GET RID OF IT NOW..
case there is anyone who has similar problem and still

looking for a way out, and he those cast all kind of spell like ::
Love Spells
Luck, Money Spells
Health, Well Being
Protection, Healing
Curses, Hex, Breakups
NEW! Combo Spells
High Priestess Spells
Vampire Spells
Authentic Voodoo Spells
Custom, Other Spells
Business spells
Health/Healing spells
Curse removal
Job spells
Healing from all kind of diseases
Love binding
Barrenness(need a child)
Need love
Lottery Spells
Promotions
Success
Money rituals
winning court case
Divorce spells
Low sperm count
Infertility in women
Breast enlargement/reduction
Penis enlargement/reduction
YOU CAN CONTACT HIM HERE AS (spirituallighthealing101@live.com or (518) 303-6207) if you need any question contact me via here as mariambaurice@gmail.com

WELCOME TO MIRACLETEMPLE PLACE OF HELP said...

I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is Henry am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine called Bella told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr MIRACLE that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr MIRACLE for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address: MIRACLETEMPLE11@GMAIL.COM or you can call HIM +2348151795598

WELCOME TO MIRACLETEMPLE PLACE OF HELP said...

I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is Henry am from American. my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 21 years old. about two years ago, A friend of mine called Bella told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr MIRACLE that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr MIRACLE for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address: MIRACLETEMPLE11@GMAIL.COM or you can call HIM +2348151795598