overthinking, overanalyzing - just stop it.

So here goes, I have the tendency to over-analyze things, and try to predict the future.

must come from the controlling upbringing and strict training i grew up in.

it's always a process, like a song selection, no matter how good your voice is, or how powerful and rangey, it isnt a guarantee that it'll end up with good results - that one note your voice cant register could make a big difference, so you really need to pick the right song that is good for you and your voice. the same applies in real life, i suppose, I thought.

Then HIV came in my life. again as earlier mentioned in my posts, my life is a complete ticket to a HIV-Free life, and still i got it.

the same surprise and lingering thought that changed what i believed in is taking a toll on my academics.

ok, here's the thing.

1: the professor hate us, im sure of it, he's been threatening he'll fail all of us, though I can say i am doing good in his class, i submitted all the requirements, all the homeworks and seatworks, and they're more than just average, its good scores - then to his dismay our group report (finals) wasnt what he expected.

2: same thing with my spanish class, good everything, complete everything, then i think i messed up my finals awhile ago, i was answering the first part about the reflexive verbs and i knew i was doing the right pattern, then i just checked now - I think i used the pattern of the regular verbs. im trying to remember what did i use, even the questions, and i cant remember at all.


surprisingly, im doing great in College Algebra and Statistics Classes, maybe it's time for a career change and study numbers? eh? nah.

so where am i getting at. W told me, Greenfrog told me - overthinking contributes to the decreasing of CD4 (immune system count), which in turns tells me I need to relax. and this is why im having a hard time.

it's always like this, even during my elementary and high school even during my early days in my college - i wonder if ill pass, like maybe i missed something or so.

even in performances, Im afraid my voice will close up and wouldnt reach the notes im required to reach, maybe i'll miss a line in a script...

the pressure of graduating takes a toll on me, and i just need to stop this paranoia.

like in every performance, soon as the curtain comes up and I open my voice to sing - all the nerves are gone and I knew im doing it right.

and just like what my mama said...

why pressure yourself? if they wont give you that diploma, you do what you always do - your best, you can get that diploma somewhere else.

my eyes lit up - I wanna study music and acting and stage performance, my dream job (if my career didnt push through) is to teach aspiring singers and actors, and be a mentor. I really dont know why i ended up in my course, it's so limited and in-the-box.

alas, it must be just the nerves and the graduating pressure thats making me feel and think this way.

all i know, is that I have a Plan, and a goal, whatever happens to me, Im just following my road, nothing, and i mean nothing - can stop me from going to where im supposed to be.