gracious to O!

today (march 03) marks a first in my poz life.

A month after I tested positive for HIV, here I am facing a situation mama B.I.T.C.H. told me would be a part of my pozzie life - Helping others.

Okay, so in my book, I thought writing a blog is enough to let other people know the importance of HIV tests, as I am planning to help others not be infected by H.I.V. by just writing bout it, you know, bout the importance of knowing your HIV status so that you can help stop the spreading of the virus via abstinence or, by a more realistic mean - safe sex.

So, I know in my previous posts its becoming more of a personal diary and my day-to-day experience with HIV, but hey, im not going out of the context, aight?

so, O was able to read my blog, how he stumbled upon my blog still remains a mystery, and commented on one of my posts giving out his contact so we can get in touch - he wants to advocate.

cool. that's all i can say.

So we emailed each other, based on the emails he is obviously a Negative who just wanna help, as better put by mama B.I.T.C.H. - he needs an immersion in the positive world. but it's the thought that counts, anyway.

so what made me panic? hmmm, okay - i have a thing about small world, it always follows me. get this - SP, my ex no.2 - is a former lover of 1st Best Friend, now, the last time i saw 1st best friend was on my 6th birthday party. J, my sire - asked for help with present gay best friend's traveling agency for his documents, and J was the one to introduce me as his boy(toy)friend to gay best friend and not me. and just recently, Greenfrog informed me that he knew LJ before, and I flirted with LJ for a while, yes, he's one of the flesh meats i was shopping for as a potential next boyfriend. see why it creeps my out?

So, O, just informed me - today, that he was able to convince his friend, a Disk Jockey of Mellow touch 94.7, to talk about HIV, with my, B.I.T.C.H.'s, trese's blog as point of reference, eh, basically look at the right side of the screen and all the links there are used as a point of reference.

Quick calculations of probability crossed my mind, I have a DJ friend in RT. I flirted with one DJ who also sidelines as a voice-over. 3 friends works in a radio station... why didnt they teach probability of small worlds? why didnt i ask my flirt to remind me what radio station he's working to?

again, my blog is written in a way that it's a bit personal - it almost describes me, like - I created a new email, have the link sent to my 4 exes, all of which replied asking if Im me.

with this kind of panic - I need a mom. thankfully B.I.T.C.H. is online - my poz world mother, and like a real mom, he checked the emails, told me what to do, what to say, how to react, what to keep to myself and such - it's like a mother telling her son how to walk. it's sweet.

oh, and he also reminded me that it's my study time already and forced me to study already!- see? a complete mom!

So I gave to O all the information that he needs, and I reviewed for my finals.

when the show aired, my heart was pumping, the DJ's voice is familiar, but it's definitely not my flirt, i can tell - must be my musical ear(term used for musicians who can tell/distinguish a note either by a voice or instrument).

Im just listening, and im feeling nervous - it's like that feeling when you're about to see for the first time your own performance in a show, you know that feeling?

By listening to the show I felt glad in a way that they are giving out the right information thus far - they mustve studied to B.I.T.C.H's notes and message well and understood it. they keep on saying the same old stuff: abstince, safe sex, no bodily fluids to open wound, no sharing of needles, you can interact with pozzies, tears and sweat are safe, carefully distinguishing myths and realities. the DJ later on said that he knew he sounded like a broken record - it's true, preventive measures are just that, not really that complicated. and I like it when they mentioned that negatives shouldnt be afraid of the positives, because we cant transmit HIV to them by all means other than sex (seductive eyes, opening legs, come to me.) and needles, by some. and when they reiterated that it should be us pozzies who needs to be cautious to negatives - as they could give us opportunistic diseases, I smiled. they did their research well. despite the rush.

Later on My mom noticed that i was listening attentively to the radio, which i usually never do, really, even as a singer.

she asked me why the sudden interest...

thinking fast ... oh remember (name i cant type here) my rival in (talent show i cant name here), she's a dj now... hear her? cool aight?

my mom raised her eyebrows, ahhh, the typical stage mother my-son-is-better-than-yours-look. im seriously hoping she wouldnt say someday "son, why wont you audition as a DJ like her?" please. im no longer in the mood for any form of control in my career plans from my mom, really.

then her ears pinked up when the DJ's keep on saying HIV, Sex, Oral Sex, all forms of sex, sex here and there!

she just smiled.... and said "thank god I have such a well-behaved son!" and hugged me tight.

bows, knives and axes all stab my heart and conscience at that time. now is definitely NOT the time to tell her. like, what will I say to her.... "Mom, remember J? yeah, that aussie guy you liked? well, he dogged me good, and he gave me HIV as a remembrance for it! isnt it cool?" nah. no way will that ever work.

but that aside, I would like to thank O for your intentions of helping our word out and wanting to contribute to HIV/AIDS awareness and, in a way, my being a part of it.

if you have more plans, just let me know, maybe next time im more prepared for it. :) mama B.I.T.C.H and I and the rest of the pozzie world are supporting your cause anyway.