yeah yeah. just some random rant

yeah, I know, lack of updates on my blog, and since it's 3:27 am now and I can't sleep (don't worry, I was asleep from 5pm - 12am... I tried to sleep again and I can't), I guess it's the best time to update my blog.

A lot have been happening since graduation, it's like, Suddenly I was whipped out of the HIV world and I'm back on my regular day-to-day basis, having rarely heard any updates on my pozzie friends, I guess this is the phrase when you truly experience that There is life in HIV. and when I say Life I mean figuratively, Like all else is normally busy.

to start off, I'm glad to let you know, I have officially joined the league of you-and-me-against-the-hypocritical-world, taboo and almost unaccepted type of a romantic relationship... no, Im not talking of a Man-to-Man relationship, dummy, though it is a M2M relationship, I meant HIV-negative-to-HIV-Positive relationship.

yeah, S and I are together, again. I knew it, yeah. It didnt start good, though.

since the Baccalaureate Mass drama we've been spending lots of times together, usually him vising my flat after 6pm, or going and watching my voice rehearsals.

so anyway, as my paranoid mind perfectly predicted, S was afraid of me, I meant my HIV status, his mentality, then so sort of like those in the 80's, got him thinking touching me while Im sweaty can have him infected, and lot's of similar stuff.

So I told him what I knew (insert boring lectures here coupled with a few debates), had him read HIV related articles, let him know HIV preventive measures, and how I can not infect him.

He understood, But was still afraid (insert more fighting) tried to fight his irrational fears (insert more disagreements).

so, basically, we started with him regularly checking his lips and mine for cuts before kissing me, me convincing that 8 gallons of saliva doesn't mean some of my saliva left in glass of water or utensil and that we can share drinks and utensils and so on.

the sex part was the worst, we didn't have sex for a while, we are contented with the hugging, cuddling and careful kissing, but then one night he wanted it, again, cause of his fears we've done it slow, like, handjobs. One time I squirted a Lot of cum and it sprayed all over and he panicked because I gave his chest a cumshot - and his chest has no cuts at all.

so anyway, we started from there, i don't know why I even tolerated his utmost fear from me, but we learned from it, now, he's way too comfortable that he doesn't check his lips anymore for cuts before he will kiss me, he hugs me more intimately now, and as of last night we finished off the 3rd box of my condom stacks. basically, everything is all good. though he's afraid of meeting other Pozzies yet, Im quite sure he's not ready for the full-on immersion type, better make sure he wont make a bad first impression to my pozzie friends before I will introduce them to each other.

N.B. also for a while, he got jealous with new york, but new york vanished soon as Easter came, anyway.

so on my professional work.

I wont go into details, but I will have a show sometime in may, that's what the rehearsals are for, but waiting for my talent fee to come (living of rehearsal money as of now, talent fee will be given after the show) is becoming a bit of an issue, I mean, money isn't much of an issue now, but I can say that it is bound to happen soon. Panicking, I went on a job hunt the day before the show's principal Photography, it went well, the job hunt, on my first day and on the first company I applied, I got accepted, the job offer will be the next day. so on I went If i really wanted nor even needed this job because after 2 months, I'll be a goer. like, vanish in this place (didn't mean the workplace, you take a good guess cause I wont say it here), plus, I'll be working at nights, as the recruitment staff told me - the day shift account I wanted was just axed, like, months ago and all they have are night shift accounts.

thinking I could just resign after 2 months of so, I was thinking accept or not, it came at a bad time as well as the next day I'll be busy for the whole afternoon because of the photo shoot.

so I need to think. and I need opinions, so I asked around.

Mom, TITA, and Gay bestfriend 1 are all against it.

S - is afraid of my CD4 count which made me more paranoid. but he has a point, ah, that's why I love you, you know, mwah!

mama B.I.T.C.H. - asked me my priority.

S - still afraid of my CD4 and really wants me to NOT accept the job, and that we could use the time just being together.

Gay best friend 1 - reminded me I still have money.

Mom - reminded me I still have money, too. and what we will do 2 months from now.

TITA - reminded me of the shows and rehearsals I need to attend to and felt disrespected for my even considering getting a different job.

so, yeah, I didn't took the job. went a full-on diva, and never answered the company's call. ah, I love rejecting, LOL.

anyway, just 2 days ago Mom was suddenly rushed to the hospital because of the heat. though lucky she didnt have a heart attack, the heat stroke left a scar on mom's health. her blood pressure is fluctuating by the minute, it ranges from 160 - 110 then back to 160, she was under observation for a night, all results are normal except for her blood pressure, was given medications and she needs to follow it. more on that experience on my next post as that experience gave me an insight and a moment of depression.


so until then, ciao!